Randy Moss Reveals His New Super-Villain Identity

Vikings wide-receiver, Randy Moss, stunned the football and media world yesterday when he showed up at his post-game press conference wearing a gray hoodie and a purple T-shirt decorated with golden question marks. When asked about his strange choice in wardrobe, Moss announced that since he hasn't been very productive lately as a wide-receiver, he was going into the super-villain business and proclaiming himself "THE QUESTION STEALER"!! Moss then said that he wasn't going to be taking any more questions for the rest of the year from the media, that HE was going to be asking the questions from now on and ANSWERING them too! "Your questions are now MY questions!" Moss proclaimed with a maniacal laugh as awed and dumbstruck reporters sat with their mouths agape, helplessly watching as eerie, ethererel, whisping and twisting ghostly question marks began to drift out of their mouths and float into Moss' cranium.

For some background on Moss' bizarre transformation into question-stealing arch-villain of the media, this past week he was fined $25,000 by the league for not making himself enough available to reporters as is required by NFL players' contracts. Angered by this, and frustrated by his lackluster performance(only one catch for 8 yards) against the Patriots on Sunday--the team that traded him to the Vikings just weeks ago and whom Moss would have loved to played well against-- Moss held yet another press conference this year where he rambled and seemed to consider his own problems more important than the team (the first being in Week 1 of the season). Being a huge Vikings and Moss fan it was sad to listen to him praise Bill Belichick and talk about how much he missed the Patriots while second-guessing the Vikings head coach, Brad Childress, and making it painfully obvious that he would rather be in New England than Minnesota.

Some people talk of Moss like he is some brooding, melancholy, tormented man, the "tortured artist" of the NFL (I'm remembering a time when Terrell Owens, another diva-like wide-receiver, actually referred to himself as an "artist" after the Sharpie incident a few years ago, hahahha), but the truth is he has just lost a step. Or maybe two or three. He just isn't as good as he used to be and that's why New England got rid of him, NOT because he told Tom Brady he looked like a girl. LOL! Having to work Moss into the game plan as a #1 receiver was getting in the way of the Patriots winning (all Bill Belichick cares about); Moss can't currently function as a #2 mentally, at least not until his ego has been taken down a few pegs more, and the Vikings, with a combined recognition of their fanbase's nostalgia for their lost star and needing a replacement for the injured Sidney Rice, took up the Patriots' remaining contract on Moss, hoping his presence would light a spark in their offense.

But now, after the Vikings being 1-3 WITH Moss, and watching the Pats offense now fluorishing, it's becoming painfully obvious that the Patriots knew exactly what they were doing. The real problem now isn't that Moss got fined $25,000, is stealing people's questions, or that he feels sad and unappreciated. The problem is that the Vikings are 2-5 overall; Moss' production has been minimal and he has essentially been a non-factor. I had high hopes for him coming back to the Vikings and I still appreciate the memories he brought me as a football fan. But is Moss still worth all the pathos? At this point he'll have to prove it to me and he can start by catching a few TD's against the Cardinals next week!